Monday, May 24, 2010

Tears in Heaven.

I have always loved that song. It was written by Eric Clapton when his son fell off their apartment 53 floors high and died. He was only 4 years old. Imagining the pain for all family members brings tears to my eyes. This happened years ago. But my mom's passing was just 5 months fresh.

Last night, I woke up at 3 am to go tinkle. The whole house was quiet. I talked to Mom...

"Mom, if you are here, make any kind of noise downstairs, ANY KIND, and I promise I won't get scared." I waited...there was none.

I went back to bed and then suddenly, it was daylight. My heavy curtains were missing and the sun was shining through the window so brightly. She came in the door without knocking. She was wearing her leopard pattern shirt, khaki pants and red loafers. I made sure I took notice of everything. Her hair was shorter, right below the ear. She had no make up but still looked fresh. She leaned on the vanity table and said...

"You should take care of Ms. Sandico. And buy a heart shape diamond. We don't have a good quality heart shape diamond yet."

I was too stunned to talk or react. She came over around and sat where my pillow was. I moved to the center of the bed to face her.

I asked, "Mom? Are you happy?", she mumbled, "Oh yeah, I guess...ummm, I am ok." It was unclear. I wanted to know for sure if she was happy so I asked again. And she answered the same way. An unclear yes. I asked her if I could hug her.

"Of course", she said. So we went to the center of my room and I reached out very gently scared that if I held on to her too tight, she will disappear. And then we danced while hugging. I remember telling her, "Jenny and Ginny will be very jealous of me."

She pulled away and told me that she had to go. I wanted to die. It's as if we were in a movie where your loved one is walking backwards towards the door with her hand reaching out. I was reaching out to her begging her not to leave. But she had to.

And she closed the door and I woke up crying like I did when I learned of her death. Like how I am crying now, as I type.

I sat up, cried some more until I woke up AG and Jacqui. They asked me what was wrong and I just told them to go back to sleep.

After an hour or so, I fell asleep only to dream of her once again. And for sure, I woke up crying.

Thought I would share this with you.

I miss her so much.

Wish I could see her laugh again.


anne said...

glad you shared it. been wanting to ask you this morning about it when tito said you dreamt about tita jul:)

Anonymous said...

I think she's hesitant to be happy because YOU are not happy. Of course it hurts so baaaad, but I remembered our family priest saying (when my aunt died), that when you're sad and she sees you sad, she'll be unhappy too. So my family bonded over events/happenings/birthdays and just enjoyed life and talked about her in happy moments. We miss her so much but we know that she's in a great place now.

This post really touched my heart, because I was really close to my aunt who died last year. It's been a year but I still look in her room & think of her always.

Take Care & I'll offer Mass for your Mom's soul :)


Joy Page Manuel said...

Thanks for sharing this touching experience, Candy. You are very blessed for having an encounter like that, for very few can say the same. One thing is certain...Your Mom will indeed be ALWAYS watching over you.

abby said...

You made me cry Cands. This is so touching. I know Tita Jul is in a much better place than all of us.I always think of it this way when loved ones die, it is not goodbye but we'll see each other again. You take care sweetie. I miss you!

abby said...

You made me cry Cands. This was so touching. It makes me appreciate my Mom more while I can still hug and kiss her.
Tita Jul is now in a much better place than all of us. I always think of it this way when loved ones die, it will never be goodbye but we will see each other again in heaven.
You take care sweetie. You are always in my prayers. I miss my BFF soooo much!

Aida said...

My heart goes to you Candy. Your mom was my classmate at the College of Commerce UST. She called me when she was in New York years ago and we were supposed to meet but the meeting never took place. My friends who were also classmates of your mom and who were in touched with her(I have not seen her since our graduation)these later years are also saddened when I told them I read about her passing recently.I started praying for her since I found out when I read some very nice tributes to her in a magazine and in the Philippine Star.God bless you and your famly.

peach said...

Cands, just read this and I was there when you wrote it! Very touching...I can only imagine the void you feel :( Please keep thinking happy thoughts and happy memories with your mom. Big hug and lots of love...